I have a mini personal update. I’ve been eating vegan at home for a couple of months now. I’m really loving it. This all coincided with my decision to cast dieting to the curb. I’ve spent a lot of my life as a slave to the scale. I’ve gone through entire days eating nothing more than an apple, spent 6 months of my life on a liquid diet, counted calories and given up on myself by stuffing my face. As a result my weight has been all over the map. At my highest I weighed 248.5 pounds. At my lowest I weighed 165.
I was obsessed with my body. I went to therapy. Not to chat about my weight, strangely enough, but we ended up landing on that issue a few times. And my therapist made me promise not to diet again. Eeek! I remember feeling absolutely petrified. So I didn’t diet. But I didn’t eat well either. So naturally my weight started creeping up again. My clothes felt tight. I don’t think I’d come to terms with the idea yet. So I treated that time as a time to binge. To make lemon ricotta cookies and eat them all. You know how the story goes.
But then the lovely Tonya from one of my favourite blogs – The Bee Charmer, introduced me to Victoria Moran. I read Living a Charmed Life first and moved on to her entire library. It was The Love Powered Diet that really made me realize my bad eating habits. It made me realize I wanted to go vegan (for the most part) and that I’d been disrespecting my body and, in turn, myself. I realized that I’d spent my whole life thinking that the only way I could lose weight was to not eat (oh and throw a little exercise in there too). No more.
I love my body. I love the potential of my body. But I don’t want to look like a supermodel. I want to accentuate my curves. I want to be strong. I want to feel healthy. So I’m done with the scale. And I’m done with measuring myself. I’m through with taking before and after photos. And I’m through with allowing a number to make or break my day, to stop me from eating or giving me an excuse to eat too much. I’m through with counting calories. I’m through with starving my body. I’m eating beautiful things these days. When I go grocery shopping, I want a beautiful cart. When I order dinner I want everybody to envy my plate because it’s just so darn pretty.
I’d still like to lose weight. I want to see my hourglass figure. I want to feel like I could beat the boys in pushups. I want to stand tall. So I’m starting P90X. This is the mother of all workouts. It’s high on strength training. But it definitely throws in some cardio too. So last week I picked up some weights (3s, 5s, 8s, and 15s) and a dumbbell rack and started the workouts on Friday. I already feel stronger! It’s crazy! The only thing I’ve found a little confusing about the program is that you don’t get a lot of suggestions on how heavy a weight you should use, how many reps you should do. I finally found this to help me out – targeted at using P90X for weight loss. So wish me luck! It’s a 90 day program. But I guess I’m only 86 days away from completing this physical challenge. I’m ready for it.